Delay is the Way

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A Slow Tech Strategy for Families Who Want More for Their Kids

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Just over four years ago, one Instagram post sparked something bigger than we expected. The phrase #delayistheway began as a simple encouragement to wait on smartphones and social media. Since then, it has shaped how families around the world approach technology in their homes.

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Today, the conversation has finally caught up. Thanks to voices like Jonathan Haidt and his book The Anxious Generation, along with movements like Smartphone Free Childhood, parents, educators, and lawmakers are openly asking hard questions about kids and smartphones. But back in 2015, the “don’t give middle schoolers smartphones” island was sparsely populated, just a few huts and a lot of side-eyes.

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We believed then what many are realizing now: even if research is still unfolding, there is not a single study suggesting that not having social media or a smartphone harms children. So we say it again: Delay is the Way.

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1. Early Tech Erodes Childhood

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Not every child experiences the most extreme harms of the internet. Often, the impact is more subtle. As Smartphone Free Childhood (an amazing UK organization that we love) puts it, it’s the “normal, everyday stuff, daily arguments, forgotten hobbies, and a child disappearing into their smartphone. It’s an unremarkable tragedy quietly playing out in homes across the country.”

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What we often see isn’t a dramatic collapse but a gradual erosion: a slightly diminished version of themselves. Slightly less bright. Slightly less attentive. Slightly less comfortable with stillness. When devices become the default, wonder erodes during critical developmental years. Surely this isn’t what’s best for them.

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2. Early Tech Is Too Much, Too Soon

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From the beginning, #delayistheway has meant something specific: slow tech, not no tech. The right tech at the right time.

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Technology itself isn’t the enemy. But recommendation engines, infinite scroll, algorithmic manipulation, and social validation loops are a different story. A child can compose music using tools like Flat.io, learn to code in Python, explore amateur radio apps, or research topics they’re curious about. They can find information. They just don’t need algorithms deciding what they should think about next and feeding them content their amazing brains just aren’t ready for. Violent, mature, shocking videos and images are too much, too soon.

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"Children process new information by categorizing it based on their existing knowledge and developmental stage. When they encounter content that is too advanced for their understanding - whether it's overly sexualized media, intense themes in movies, or complex adult issues - they struggle to find appropriate mental categories to store and process this information. This premature exposure can disrupt their natural developmental trajectory, leading to confusion and emotional distress. - Chris, Too Much, Too Soon, Substack

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Sociologist Sherry Turkle once described the generational shift this way: Gen X said, “I am, therefore I share.” Gen Z and Gen Alpha often live, “I share, therefore I am.” That shift may sound subtle, but when identity becomes tied to visibility and feedback, the psychological impact is enormous.

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3. Early Tech Requires Too Much Self-Control

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Every time we hand a child a smartphone, we ask them to exercise a level of self-control we never had to practice at their age. We did not grow up with an algorithm in our pocket, infinite entertainment, 24/7 peer comparison, and on-demand dopamine.

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Teens are supposed to make mistakes. That’s part of development. But today, mistakes are broadcast, archived, screen-captured, and amplified. The cost is higher. And during a tech crisis, what they will need most is your calm presence, not shame, not panic.

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4. Early Tech Values Happiness Over Wellbeing

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We’ve quietly absorbed the idea that if our child is happy right now, we’re doing it right. But devices are very good at manufacturing happiness. The iPad at dinner, YouTube Kids in the car, one more TikTok before bed, of course, those make brains happy. The promise of a funny video will neurologically beat “go outside and be bored” almost every time, especially if we’ve trained them to expect constant stimulation.

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In Bad Therapy, Abigail Shrier writes, “Your kids don’t require an iPad to survive a dinner or car trip any more than you did… They aren’t weaker than you, unless you make them so.” Sometimes the healthiest word we can say is no. Lessons learned in small moments of discomfort build resilience for larger challenges later. When making tech decisions, we are more responsible for our children’s future wellness than their current happiness.

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5. They Get #OnePreciousChildhood

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Parents often ask, “What’s the right age for a smartphone? What’s the right age for social media?” Those questions assume there’s a universal number. But age doesn’t automatically mean ready.

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Big Tech sees your child as a data point, a user, a revenue stream. You must see her as a soul, someone gifted #onepreciouschildhood.

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For many families, that looks like no smartphones in junior high, no social media until at least 16 (and sometimes later), all devices filtered and parent-owned, partnering with like-minded families through groups like Wait Until 8th, and encouraging schools to adopt bell-to-bell phone-free policies. Sixteen isn’t a magic number. For some teens, even that isn’t right yet. Delay is the Way isn’t about legal minimums. It’s about developmental wisdom.

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A Personal Note: Why We Exist

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Years ago, after childhood exposure to pornography, I spent over a decade hooked. It distorted relationships and numbed parts of my heart. Freedom came through faith, accountability, and tools like Covenant Eyes. Later, while leading a junior high ministry, I watched smartphones place that same access point into the pockets of 12-year-olds. It terrified me.

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Protect Young Eyes began with a simple hope: that fewer 12-year-olds would have to fight the battles I fought. I never believed middle schoolers were becoming emotionally, spiritually, or relationally stronger because of social media. The emerging data suggest we were right.

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Now Is the Moment

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What once felt extreme now feels reasonable. What once felt isolating now feels communal. The momentum is real. The conversations are happening. Parents are linking arms.

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Delay is the Way is not deprivation. It’s protection. It’s perspective. It’s patience. It’s trusting that childhood is worth guarding.

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Interested in joining others who agree? Sign our Delay is the Way Manifesto! You can take action.

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Let’s wait. Just a little longer.

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You are not alone!

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Also see our Instagram and Facebook posts about this topic.

What if I have more questions? How can I stay up to date?

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Two actions you can take!

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1. Subscribe to our tech trends newsletter, the PYE Download. About every 3 weeks, we’ll share what’s new, what the PYE team is up to, and a message from Chris.
2. Ask your questions in our private parent community called The Table! It’s not another Facebook group. No ads, no algorithms, no asterisks. Just honest, critical conversations and deep learning! For parents who want to “go slow” together. Become a member today!

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