Careful with Cousins: Holiday Prep for Parents

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The holidays are a wonderful time of year, with family gatherings, great memories, and plenty of chaos. However, digital risk often thrives when schedules disappear, and family members we don’t see often, who might also have different digital rules, are suddenly present.

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I’ve received too many calls from parents this time of year whose child heard something, searched something, and saw something they can’t unsee. And all because of the time spent with cousins.

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Here are three steps to help your family be “Careful with Cousins” this holiday season.

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1. Prepare the Places You’re Visiting

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Before visiting a family member’s or friend’s house, ask three simple questions:

1. What tech will be there? 
2. What controls exist? 
3. Where will the tech be used?

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Ideally, devices should be connected to filtered routers, filters should be activated on the devices themselves, and devices shouldn’t be used in bedrooms. In general, the goal is to use as little tech as possible during family gatherings.

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If the house you’re visiting has different digital rules, remember to own what you can control. That might mean being lovingly direct with whoever is hosting. It might mean bringing board games and other analog activities. It might mean setting expectations ahead of time.

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If people visit your home, tell them about your family’s digital rules before they arrive. Announce them again when they get there. Have a place where devices go, and model conversation and connection.

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2. Prepare Your Kids

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Cousins often share things, especially when new digital devices are being opened for the first time. There are four simple things you can practice with your kids before you go.

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First, teach them to interrupt the moment. If someone says, “Hey, look at this,” encourage your child to respond with, “Wait, what is it? What are you trying to show me?” This small pause can break up the interaction and often reduces the chance that someone will show your child something inappropriate. This is a tried and true method we teach during our live presentations.

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Second, teach them to trust their gut. That funny feeling they get when something feels off is important and often trustworthy. If something feels weird, it probably is! Remind your kids to trust their gut. And to come talk to you about whatever made them feel that way.

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Third, make sure they have a clear exit plan. Put the device down, walk away, and tell a trusted adult. Hopefully, that person is you. When they do this, be calm, be curious, and be compassionate. Remind them that they can always land softly and safely with you.

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Fourth, practice these situations ahead of time. Actually rehearse them. Role-play them. Make them concrete for your child’s developing brain. Test them by trying to show them your phone and see if they stop to ask you, “What do you want to show me?” Let them know that they can always come talk to you when they get that funny feeling, and they won’t be in trouble! For older kids, it’s helpful to bring everything into the light ahead of time. Be open and honest about what they might experience and remind them that they don’t have to do what their cousins do.

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3. Prepare Your Home for When You Return

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Here’s a common scenario after spending time with family. A child hears something from their cousins. They come home curious. Then they search for it.

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If filters aren’t strong enough, damage can happen fast.

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So, after you return home from traveling during the holidays, be extra cautious with nighttime internet access. Maintain physical control of devices by avoiding the Toxic Trio (bedrooms, boredom, darkness). 

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By protecting your home’s Wi-Fi with router-level controls, curious searches shouldn’t cause egregious harm. This also works for old forgotten phones, tablets, “burner” devices, and guest devices. The right router protects even the devices you don’t know about.

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It’s also important to be aware of incognito mode. Hidden browsing is common when kids know they shouldn’t be searching for something. Make sure search history can’t be erased without accountability. Not sure where to start? Consider our post about Blocking Porn for Free on Any Device.

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See our Instagram posts (part 1, part 2, part 3) and Facebook posts (part 1, part 2, part 3) to learn more about this topic.

What if I have more questions? How can I stay up to date?

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Two actions you can take!

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1. Subscribe to our tech trends newsletter, the PYE Download. About every 3 weeks, we’ll share what’s new, what the PYE team is up to, and a message from Chris.
2. Ask your questions in our private parent community called The Table! It’s not another Facebook group. No ads, no algorithms, no asterisks. Just honest, critical conversations and deep learning! For parents who want to “go slow” together. Become a member today!

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